


Like when we were young

by WendigoBaby



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bad Dreams, Brotherly Bonding, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Parabatai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 14:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6911338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WendigoBaby/pseuds/WendigoBaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first Alec doesn’t understand what makes him wake up. So he lays still, eyes closed and when he definitely picks up the distinct sound of someone trying to sneak despite creaky floorboards, his arm darts out from beneath the pillow to grab at the small Seraph blade on his bedside table. As soon as it lights up in his palm, the mysterious figure puts their hands in front of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

At first Alec doesn’t understand what makes him wake up. So he lays still, eyes closed and when he definitely picks up the distinct sound of someone trying to sneak despite creaky floorboards, his arm darts out from beneath the pillow to grab at the small Seraph blade on his bedside table. As soon as it lights up in his palm, the mysterious figure puts their hands in front of them.

  
“Woah, buddy, it’s me.” Alec hears and squints at Jace, eyes still not quite focused, but able to make out his parabatai’s blond hair and the way he fiddles with the drawstring of the beige hoodie he has on.  
“Jace, why aren’t you sleeping? It’s,” Alec checks his phone and the light from the screen makes spots dance in his vision. “Almost two in the morning. And we have to be up at six sharp.”  
Jace pushes the doors closed behind him and leans against the wood, making a non-commital sound of agreement at Alec’s words, lips pursed.  
“Is something wrong?” Concern immediately floods Alec’s conscience and the archer sits up in his bed, swinging his legs over the edge, the floor cold against his toes. He lets the blade fade out as he puts it away and beckons Jace to come sit with him on the bed.

  
His _parabatai_ has been acting a little bit unlike himself, but that’s quite understandable when you’ve willfully committed to listen to the bullshit that a homicidal and delusional racist, that you think is your father, is spewing, for the price of everyone you love (or tolerate in Magnus’ and Simon’s case) being left alive. Jace’s been gone for quite a while before their little rag-tag team could figure out the location of The Morning Star; it surely has taken a toll on the way he sees the world.  
Alec isn’t good with words, never has been, especially when it comes to consoling the broken. So for the last week he watches Jace avoid most of the Shadowhunters in their Institute and wander the hallways like everything he sees is new. Alec also notices that Jace lets his eyes linger just a bit too long on Clary, Izzy and Alexander himself, like he’s trying to commit the way they look to memory. The archer tries a couple of times, but Jace stays mostly silent so Alec only claps him on the shoulder and leaves hesitantly, off to his duties.

  
Now Alec wants to ask if everything is okay, but doesn’t, because that question is stupid. Of course not everything is okay. How can it be when the ever-present self-assurance bordering on arrogance, the cheeky smirk and the bigger-than-life attitude are no longer the epitome of Jace Wayland, now dimmed and like mist, barely there under a veil of something heavy.

  
Jace shuffles over and drops down onto the mattress, leaving a bit of space between himself and Alec, who watches his parabatai for anything he could decipher. Jace has one of his hands busy with his stele, twirling it between his fingers like he always does, and the other one over their rune.  
“I can’t sleep. I still can’t get used to the fact that it’s over. That Valentine’s dead. And Clary’s not actually my sister.” Jace laughs with a dash of bitterness to his tone and it flows into a heavy sigh. He leans over and butts his forehead against Alec’s shoulder, closing his eyes.  
They sit in silence as minutes pass and Alec puts his arm around Jace who speaks again right after.  
“It was you who has kept me somewhat sane while I was away with Valentine.” The blonde states simply as if it is an obvious fact and not something that makes Alec’s brows knit together in confusion.

  
“What do you mean?” He prods.  
“Every night I would put my hand over my _parabatai_ rune and just focus on you, there, on the other side. I’d feel that you’re alive and well and I’d know that you’ll come for me. And you did. You always do.”  
Alec chuckles softly and starts rubbing small circles into the widest part of Jace’s back, who relaxes into the touch just a small amount.  
“Somebody has to. Without me holding you back by the collar, you would’ve been dead many times by now.”

  
“I know, so thank you for that. Sometimes being uptight and no fun at all has its perks.” Jace manages a half-smile and it makes Alec’s heart jump to hear something at least similar to their old banter. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you this face to face, but I look up to you.”  
“I mean, I am a lot taller than you, so you kinda have to.” Alec’s tone may sound light and dissmissive - his voice soft and gentle like his eyes, but Jace’s words hit home and the archer feels warmth pool within his ribcage; although he knows, getting Jace to spell out for Alec that he loves, respects and in a way admires the eldest Lightwood is a giant boost for Alec’s rebuilding self-esteem and self-worth.

  
But then Alec gets smacked in the chest with the back of Jace’s palm and they both laugh.  
“That’s not what I meant, you absolute ass.”  
Their laughter dies out and a question lingers in the air as they sit, now pressed against each other side by side, Alec’s temple resting against the top of Jace’s head, his hair just barely tickling Alec’s cheek.

“Do you want to sleep with me here? For old time’s sake?” Alec asks in trademark straight-forward Alexander Lightwood fashion and nudges Jace to look up at him.  
“Yeah, that’d be nice.” Jace nods and stands up, stretching out his spine before slowly rounding the bed and unceremoniously getting under the covers on the other side of the bed, not occupied by Alec’s butt. Jace’s hair flops around his face and makes him look like a cockatoo, Alec notes as he slides into the still pleasantly heated spot he abandoned before, a small smile playing on his lips.

  
They are both on their sides, facing each other and Alec suddenly feels awkward as he shifts one of his arms under his head and averts his eyes to the creases in his utilitarian camo-green covers. He’s over his crush (when it wasn’t even nothing more than ill-understood sympathy), but the old tension still lingers.  
“Do you remember when we used to do this when we were kids?” Jace asks, apparently amused by Alec’s expression.  
“Yeah, with Izzy in the middle. She was so small back then, we wanted to protect her from the bad dreams. And from mom, after she yelled at us.”  
There’s a mischivieous glint in Jace’s eyes as he wiggles his eyebrows at Alec, almost back to his old self

  
“A triple Shadowhunter sandwich supreme.”  
Alec snorts in an undignified way and burrows his face in the pillow.  
“Try to get some sleep.”  
“Sure thing. Good night, Alec, maybe you’ll dream about Magnus.”  
“ _I wish._ Goodnight.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jace fell asleep in his bed, curled into the fetal position, the archer thought he could also drift off - peacefully, for once - and get at least a few hours in that were left on the clock. But that obviously wasn't the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a little sequel to the first chapter, nothing major, but a little bit more brotherly love, bc these two have been on my mind lately.

This time Alec wakes up to a loud thud and when he absentmindedly slides his hand over to the other side of the bed, he finds nothing of substance, even though he still feels the warmth etched into the sheets. His heart stops for a second, because Jace's gone - again! What if he dreamed up all of that? Was he so heartbroken to make up conversations with his parabatai?

He almost stops breathing, in a state bordering on desperate panic, but then, in the corner of his vision, someone moves. And it's nobody other than Jace, but he's looking around frantically, trying to stand up straight. Alec blinks twice and realizes Jace must have fallen from the bed after endless turning and fidgeting; the blond Shadowhunter seems out of his mindspace, chest rising and falling in quick succesion and when Alec moves towards him, Jace's eyes look like they belong to a deer caught in a car's headlights.

Jace puts his arms over his head and hunches away, bumping with his hip into Alec's chest of drawers, knocking over a photo frame while doing so. But Alec is resilient - he's seen nightmares before; ones that seem so unbelievably real, make shadows hide in the dark.

Alec tugs the sheets off of himself and slides off the bed on Jace's side, then slowly inches closer to his parabatai, because Jace is more like a wild animal than the golden boy of their family and startling him any further would do Alec no good.

"Hey, hey, Jace. It's not real. Whatever you've seen, it's not real. You're home, in the Institute in New York. Valentine is dead. Do you hear me? Valentine is _dead_ and you are safe with me. I'll protect you." Alec whispers into the dark, reaching out to Jace and he keeps his expression soft, even though his parabatai rune is painful, because all of Jace's emotions somehow come through to Alexander and he feels them just as deeply - fear, confusion, anger and even guilt.

But as soon as Alec's fingers make contact, Jace steps forward and clings onto Alec as if he's drowning and his parabatai is his last lifeline. Alec pulls Jace close and wraps his arms around his ribcage. There are desperate fingers clutching the back of Alec's t-shirt in an iron hold and Jace is trembling all over, but he manages to take a deep, but shaky breath after he presses his face into the crook of Alec's neck, the familiarity of the moment grounding him just the smallest amount, but enough. Enough for now.

One of Alec's hands travels up and into Jace's mussed up hair, petting it rhythmically, as he shushes his adoptive brother. Jace isn't crying, but he's choked up and they sway together from side to side, because Alec has always found the motion calming.

"I thought I lost you, Alec." Jace whispers harshly, his voice vulnerable and unsure. "I thought I'd never see you again."

Alec smiles sadly against Jace's temple.

"You're never going to lose me. I'm always going to be by your side, until the end."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr under the name 'wendigobaby'! <3

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me and all my works on tumblr as well under the name 'maghnvsbane'! <3


End file.
